Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sharing some written work

Once again I'd like to share a story written by our 11 year old daughter. For you fellow homeschoolers, this was from IEW's unit 3, summarizing narrative stories. Her work that I shared previously was a fable that she'd re-written from her summary of The Fox and the Crow. This time, after summarizing The Tortoise and the Hare, her assignment was to substitute the main characters with revolutionary war characters, and substitute the conflict with a revolutionary war era conflict, in essence creating an entirely new story. Her story was quite a bit longer than the original, illustrating in perfect stereotypical fashion the difference between boys who "just want to build forts all day" and girls who "love to write" (quotes frequently spoken by the IEW author, Andrew Pudewa). Here is her story:

One night, King George III was going to bed when he started thinking about his colonies, which were all the way across the Atlantic Ocean. They called themselves Patriots and declared war against him. Well! He would show them! Because he was like a father to his colonies, he could punish them any way he chose for dumping his tea overboard into Boston Harbor. "If they want war, well then, I'll give them one! I'll make sure a squad of regulars is on every common in America!" he yelled. Finally, he drifted off into a deep, deep sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, which seemed like only a few seconds to him, he decided he had everything worked out in America so he went out for a stroll. What he didn't know was that he was having a dream, but while he was dreaming some surprising things were happening over in America. In his dream while George III walked, he thought about George Washington, who was badly losing the war. He was so sure he and his enormous army were going to win this war and show those americans that he was boss.

Just then he heard bullet shots. "Whoa! What was that? I can't get to a peaceful place wheresoever I am!" he said. Then some British regulars ran past him. "Where do you think you are going?" King George exclaimed. "King! What are you doing over here in America? And we cou....." Just then George Washington stepped out of the forest with a group of ruffians wearing blue coats and holding muskets. The redcoats started running again but King George stopped them. Slowly the American militia surrounded the King and British troops. "Get them, men!" yelled the king. The regulars did as the King commanded, but the Americans fought back in such a way that surprised the British, and the British troops were slowly pushed back.

Now, in American, something like this was really happening just like in King George's dream. Back in his dream the king scolded, "What? Come on troops, we're much better than those scoundrels, those rebels!" But the British still were pushed back. Now the British were badly losing! They started to run.

All of a sudden some french men came out of the trees, blocking the British troops from escaping! They were trapped! King George surrendered, and over in America the British surrendered at Yorktown. King George walked home humiliated, and dreamt he fell into a deep sleep.

When King George III woke up for real he slumped into a chair. The war was over. He had lost America. Over in America, George Washington was being praised for acting so wisely and winning the long war. So King George learned that being slow and patient can usually win a war.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tell your daughter her version was GREAT! :)

Vanessa

Rebekah said...

Your card came in the mail today. Thank you so much--it was so kind of you to think of me.

Susanne Barrett said...

Pam --
I would just like to caution you about IEW. I teach high school writing, both college prep and honors, and have taught university composition courses. And I can almost always spot the IEW students in my classes; their writing is so similar. I have to do quite a bit of retraining to help the IEW students discover their "voice" and be able to rediscover their uniqueness as writers. Andrew Pudewa comes to writing as an academic, not as a professional writer, and his program is a nice collection of assignments but doesn't really address the sticky wickets of the writing process. Just a caution.... :)

Rebekah said...

Mark and I were looking at swings earlier this week, so yes, we would LOVE to have it.

I was so excited when I read your comment :)

Anonymous said...

This is fabulous. It is wonderful how IEW structures what good writers have known all along, while teaching students to find their individual style. It's fun to see your dd's imagination! Keep up the good work!
Blessings,
Laurie

Pam said...

Susanne,

I have heard that caution about IEW before, and will definitely keep it in mind. Thanks! I love how IEW teaches the "how" of writing though. It has given my younger students guidance in how to write without having to think of WHAT to write about, which is so often what trips up beginning (and/or reluctant) writers. And I greatly appreciate the guided lessons! It's a great fit for us right now. :-)

Rebekah: Shall I bring the swing to church this Sunday?